A storm has passed, gates are locked and paths blocked but the sun is shining and there is a small breeze. The blossom is white and hangs in tight clumps from the branches.
I search for words but I need to tell you my daughter died. My daughter died. My daughter died. My daughter will never not die and this is a truth I will accept but also not accept.
I want to tell you how it feels to be whole but also to be unwhole .To be more than, to be less than, to be incomplete, to long for, to hope for, to call out, to feel, to be raw, to shatter, to break, to stand up, to hold, to hold on, to unhold, to wish, to wish for, to be, to be with, to always be, to always be part of, to connect, to disconnect, to alter, to be altered.
To be altered in a way that you will never be unaltered nor wish to be. To be blessed. To have had the world and to have lost. To have lost and to care that you have lost. To hurt in a way that hurts and to be certain you will always hurt. To hurt in a way that you know that you have loved and will never stop loving. To know with great certainty that this pain is connected to love. But know that this is no consolation for the loss, the great loss that is coursing through you as you live.
To live, to breathe, to stop breathing. to stop breathing. The act of unbreathing. The silence. The pause, the longer pause. The absence. the absence. the absence.
In the night there was a storm but the sun is shining, birds are singing and the blossom is clinging to the branches.
the unsung 