I feel like a dog with a bone- all sparked off by a comedian’s use of the word re***d and almost 30 years of being the mother of a beautiful daughter with learning disabilities.
This blog was not meant to be going here- it was meant to be looking in a different direction but there is a pull as strong as an umbilical cord that brings me back time and time again to things she has taught me. The things that are important, about what we value and who we are.
During the discussion about the word ‘re***d’ Frances Ryan, a columnist on the Guardian, suggested that much of the criticism was coming from parents of people with disabilities and suggested that this is a debate for people with disabilities themselves. This is not the first time I have heard this sentiment.
This is a tricky place for me to to be then- the mother of a woman with learning disabilities who does not communicate with words. Through her I have learnt a great deal about exclusion, isolation, pity, inequality and inhumanity but also about love, respect, joy, friendship and resilience. I would never try to speak for her but I do think that the experience I have as her mother and the proximity I have had to her life gives me an understanding of the issues and struggles she has faced.
She has introduced me to a world which I didn’t know before her birth. Without my daughter maybe I would still be ignorant of the issues facing people with disabilities and the hurdles they face in accessing much of what we take for granted. My attention might have been caught by a national scandal but would I have been in it for the long term? I’d like to think so but more likely I think not.
So when I read a comment that effectively says this is our argument, not yours, I think, maybe there is another way.
Rather than building walls, barricading ourselves in and making our world smaller isn’t it time to throw open the doors, welcome the debate, shine a light on inequality and discrimination and seek out a wider platform.
The world of disability has changed in the last 30 years but too little. There are small patches of brilliance but from what I see the fight has become harder, the provision scarcer, the lack of understanding has stayed much the same.
To all the people out there who have beaten the odds and withstood the criticism to get their voices heard I applaud you. Not for a minute would I want to take that away from you, nor could I. But I would like the issues you have faced and the issues families have faced to be more widely acknowledged and I don’t believe this can happen through isolated voices.
I would like the disability movement to gain more traction so that it can come out of the margins and into the mainstream. I wish that the world would look more closely at these issues in the same way it looks at other issues like feminism or race or gender but it doesn’t and I don’t think it will while they are seen as minority issue. It should be all of societies shame that such inequality exists but it isn’t.
I believe that collectively we can achieve more than we can separately. And while Frances has a strong voice and a wide platform I dare to suggest that by inviting others in, embracing their support and being open to their challenge the message will become stronger. We are, after all, aiming for the same thing, a better and more inclusive world.
the unsung 