Boxes

In our last, ‘creative’ group I shared the poem, Boxes by Nikki Giovanni. You can listen to it here,

Both happily and sadly, it resonated with our group of amazing women, all carers.

Boxes can be a useful shorthand, a quick tag but not when you are put in a box by others, or worse still, when you put yourself in a box and shut the lid. Boxes then constrain you, the walls close in, there is no space to breathe, the air is stagnant. Even when tied up with ribbon, lined with tissue, embossed with gold they can turn from convenience to glittering cages.

Having a daughter who is profoundly disabled in many ways defines me. She make me feel whole. When I am with her I feel more like myself. Her life is inextricably attached to my life. Her quality of life is caught up with my quality of life.

As she moved into adulthood I became defined not as her mother but as her carer. A box I did not reject. I felt it justified my existence when work became impossible. When I was asked what I do, I said, I am a carer. Whilst this was a convenient answer, the more I said it, the less of me I felt.

Perhaps it is the same with all professions. If someone says they are a dentist you don’t assume that is all they do, or a builder that they build all day. Yet, as a carer you know that it is a 24/7 job. It fills your heart and mind not just for waking hours but often, like me, you can be on call all night too.

It is more than a definition of a career but you cannot let it become a whole life.

Each of the women in our group are by definition carers and will remain so for the duration of their child’s life. But each of them is so much more.

The reason we meet is to remind ourselves of other aspects of ourselves, to tap into the sometimes hidden/difficult to reach parts, to think together, to create something and to be more whole, more complete. It is a process with many laughs and much sharing.

Here’s are some of the responses to this week’s poem.

If you would like to know more about our group please do contact me- we have a couple of places left and meet on Tuesdays (usually) once or twice a month,